How To Raise Free Thinking Entrepreneurs

18 months ago I was running a company that took up an astounding amount of my time.  

I wanted to create something that would provide me with more leverage so I started researching online how to write an eBook.  In the process I discovered the world of Internet Marketing.

That day the flame of discovery ignited.

I started to write a daily blog, often getting up at 5am to do it before the kids woke up.

All my conversation was about my new journey, and my family became quite sick of me.

I couldn’t wait to get the kids into bed at night so I could have uninterrupted time to trawl the internet gathering information.  

Some nights I stayed up well past 2am because I couldn’t bear to tear myself away from what I was learning.

I was like a woman possessed.  Every fibre in my body was yearning to learn more, study more, read more… I couldn’t get enough!

Two years later, almost to the day, I own and run the web’s first professional body for Work at Home Mums.  

I have interviewed and been interviewed by, some of the web’s leading internet marketeers and am considered, by my peers to be an Internet Marketing Expert.

My eldest son Corey (8) loves computers and has an amazing capacity to concentrate for long periods of time.

His current loves are Minecraft and Lego Marvel Superheroes as he’s interested in anything that requires strategy to win.

His tennis coach told us, when he was five years old that Corey’s sole intent was to beat his opponent.  He wasn’t concerned about hitting the ball hard or fast, it was all about using strategy to win the point.

Strategy is a natural strength for him and computer games is how he loves to use it.

Corey is immersed in learning about Minecraft in the same way I was immersed with Internet marketing.  He spends the best part of every day watching, playing, reading and researching everything he can about these games.

This is how human beings learn.

When something resonates with us in such a way that it ignites a passion, we focus with intensity and laser beam focus.

School based learning does not tap into a human being’s natural learning process.  What schools seem to fail to realise is that reading, writing, math and science are tools to get us what we want.

The are the effects of learning, not the cause of it.

Learning math does not cause me to be able to learn other things.  Learning about things I love, causes me to learn math as an effect.  

I have watched my son’s reading, writing and comprehension explode in the three weeks that he has been given free rein to pursue his passions.  

I have watched him do his work with diligence, persistence and character.

I have witnessed him go to bed late and get up early, so intent was he to complete the next level.  A few hours sleep was only a necessary tool that night to help him achieve his goal.

I am excited for the potential I see in my eight year old to lead a life that is filled with joy, purpose and passion.

I only discovered it at 32 and haven’t done too badly.

I can’t even imagine what the future may hold for this free thinking entrepreneur.

What are your thoughts on school based learning?  Have you seen your child struggle to connect with what he’s learning at school?

Leave a comment and let me know.

Love Kim xo

 

 

3 Things I Learned In The First 2 Weeks of Passion Schooling My Kids

When we first embarked on the journey of conscious parenting, all of my rules about parenting came roaring to the surface.

Here are three that I discovered:

Belief:  If young children are in bed late (i.e. past 9pm) they will be exhausted the next day.  

Reality:  My children seem to need around 10 hours sleep.  If they go to bed at 10pm, they get up at 8am.  If they go to bed at 11pm, they get up at 9am.  Never at any point have they lived up to my internal idea of “exhausted”.  

Belief:  Suffering is a normal part of a child’s life. (i.e. Awwww do I have to do that/go there/have that/eat that/see that…. etc.

Reality:  When children are not being controlled all day and are free to explore their own passions, suffering doesn’t exist.  

Why would they choose to suffer over something they love and are internally motivated to do?

Belief:  When a child is throwing a “tantrum” or expressing a very strong emotion, you should ignore them until it passes.

Reality: Instead of ignoring my kids when they are having an emotional meltdown I have started kneeling down in front of them and wrapping my arms around them (if that’s what they wanted).

My aim is to show them that I’m trying to understand what they want because their needs are important to me.  

In essence, I look for the need underneath the behaviour.  

When you look for the need (the cause) of the emotion with love, patience and understanding, the “tantrum” is over in a quarter of the time.

I’d love to know… what are your beliefs that you’re scared to challenge?

Can you relate to mine, or have these always been normal practices for you?

Please leave a comment and let me know.

With love and deep appreciation, as always 

Kim xo

 

Happiness is a journey, not a destination

Probably the biggest change to our life in the last two weeks as been giving the kids freedom to choose their own bedtime.

This was a really tough one for me.

I’ve always been very controlling over bedtimes, believing that kids needed to be in bed at a certain time in order for them to be well rested.  

When then were going to school every day, this was true.  

School takes a lot of emotional fortitude for a child.  

They’re in a controlled environment with a lot of different personalities, and so it takes mental energy for them to work out and follow the rules.

Not to mention the horrors of peer pressure and the threat of bullying.

Survival takes energy and so rest is essential if we are not to put undue stress on their immature systems.

Since my kids do not go to school anymore, they don’t have these kinds of pressures to deal with.

Our days are spent going on fun outings, eating food they love, learning, exploring and feeling deeply loved.

Their average bedtime has moved to around 10.30pm, (probably because that’s when I usually go to bed) and they sleep until about 9am (can’t say I’m complaining about this part!).

I’m noticing that they’re starting to be more aware of their feelings as a result of not being controlled.

Because they’re not following a rule, they can tune into their themselves so much easier, as they’re not tuning in full time, to their external environment.

Last night I was snuggling in my bed with Corey and Kai at around 10pm.  Kai had just had a bath and we were watching videos on YouTube.

Suddenly Kai sat up and said “Mummy, isn’t this lovely?”

I smiled and realised that yes, it was lovely.

He continued “Tonight has been great; having a hot bath, a piece of toast and now snuggling here with you and Corey.  I love you mummy.”

Tonight wasn’t any different than any other night in his life, except that it was 10.15pm.  But I realised how everything he had done all night had been entirely his choice.  

And that freedom must’ve felt wonderful.

I’ve also realised how easy it is to be a mum, when I’m not controlling my kids all day.

Easier for me, easier for them.  

I love my life.

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Pest control, worms and head lice (and that’s just the kids)

photo

Today wasn’t the “arms wide screaming with joy it’s a beautiful life” that I wrote about yesterday.

Today was a bitch.  

I was tired through lack of sleep and hormonal.

Oh, and I’ve got worms (yes really).  That’s what happens in a house of four kids under the age of 8… no one gets off Scott free (except maybe Ryan).

And I’ve only just gotten rid of my last batch of head lice.

So let’s just say I wasn’t in the best possible parenting place.

Since last week we’ve been allowing the kids to choose their own bedtimes, as part of our freedom journey.

I’ve really enjoyed this as it meant I’m much more relaxed in my own schedule.  

We’ve done things like go swimming at 5pm when I’m usually preparing dinner and we’ve eaten as late as 8pm as there’s no rush to get them into bed early for school.

But the downside is that I haven’t spent much time with Ryan.  I miss him.

My kids follow me everywhere around the house… especially Jack who’s two years old.  

Everyone wants to fall asleep beside me, and everyone wants to be wherever I am.

It’s lovely and annoying all at the same time.

So tonight I decided that it was okay to exert just a teeny tiny little bit of control, and get them into bed early.

They were tired, and we have a busy day tomorrow.  It was fine.

(You can tell this isn’t going to end well)

My four year old daughter refused to go to bed as she was watching Ben & Holly and everyone else kept getting out of bed and following me around because they didn’t want to be left out.

Ryan was peacefully watching another episode of Breaking Bad, warmed by the fire I had lit, in blissful, child free, silence.  (I’m not bitter at all)

In that moment, nothing was going the way I wanted it to go.  

I had it all planned perfectly in my mind.  The kids would be in bed early(ish), I’d be tucked up in front of a warm fire watching Sherlock with hubby, and my worlds would be perfectly aligned.

And when the reality didn’t match the dream, I got pissed off.

I remember having a realisation that if I never had any expectations, I’d never be disappointed.

(I don’t know what caused me to have such a profound realisation, but I’m sure there was gin involved.)

Tonight I had a vision in my mind of how it would go, and I wasn’t prepared to be flexible when it didn’t happen.

Inflexibility causes control, and perceived lack of control causes anger.

And being openly angry at kids, in my opinion, is the singularly most damaging thing we can do to them.

There is something wonderful about having a truly deep connection with my kids that I absolutely love.  

But there are times when I wish they’d all just piss off and leave me alone.

Freedom perhaps, then lies, in my ability to pause between stimulus and response so that I may uphold my highest values, and shape their lives for the better.

Thank you for reading my drivel.  I’d love for you to leave a comment.

Until next time…

Kim xo

P.S.  If you kinda liked this and want to read more, click here and enter your name and email address 

A Journey Into The Unknown… Unschooling

About a year ago I discovered a TED Talk by the mighty Seth Godin called Stop Stealing Dreams (you can watch it here)

In this talk Seth talks about how schools are killing our kids creativity and that they are in the “dark ages” when it comes to education.

This video had a profound effect on me.

(I wrote a blog post after watching it, you can read it here)

I have trained for ten years with human potential company Executive Success Programs, which has profoundly affected my view of the world.

Through ESP I have taken apart my belief system (built when I was a child) and put it back together again in a more integrated way.

And this way gave me a new perspective on how my childhood affected my adult life.

I also became violently protective of children.  

Having understood on a visceral level how deeply my childhood experiences affected me, I committed to changing the way I parented.

When I started my first business three years ago we enrolled our homeschooled kids into the Holywood Rudolph Steiner school, which seemed like the next best option for us.

Ryan my husband, was keen for them to attend some sort of school as he didn’t believe that I could educate them at home in the way they needed educated.

I didn’t feel educated enough on the subject of homeschooling to convince him otherwise!

At home we continued to raise free thinking individuals and encouraged them to a question everything and never accept anything on good faith (which is what school actually wants kids to do… accept what I tell you and don’t question it).

And the arrangement worked fine.

Recently my eldest son Corey started to not enjoy school.  

The work got harder.  

He loved his friends, but hated the lessons (he told me).

(In fact, if you have ever heard any child, anywhere say that the thing they love about school is the lessons please leave a comment below)

His unhappiness was the best thing that ever happened to me as it made me question my decision to send them to school.

Is the goal of childhood not to be happy?  In fact, is the goal of life not to be happy?

Why do we force our kids into an environment they’d prefer not to be in, to do something that they will do anyway, on their own?  (Learn)

These were the questions I was asking myself.

Then I discovered Dayna Martin and my life changed forever (thanks Tabby Chapman).

Dayna embodies the principle of unschooling (you can watch a video on it here) which basically means that her kids are free to choose everything.

She lives in partnership with her kids and allows them to find their own balance through making their own choices.

In essence, her kids are free.

Free.

Isn’t that such a lovely word?  Isn’t it what you crave every day?

I’ve never met a human being who didn’t crave freedom.  

So why do we strip it away from our kids by controlling their every move?  Why do we force them to do the things that WE think are good for them, rather than helping them to find their own passions?

How narcissistic are we to assume that we know best for our kids?

Questions questions questions.

So we took the kids out of school, removed all rules and restrictions and have embarked on a life of unschooling.

It’s been crazy, terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time.

And I’ve never been happier.

If you made it this far, congratulations.  

I’m sorry this got long, but I wanted to give you the background before I started diving into the nitty gritty.

I am deeply honored to have you on this journey with me.  Hundreds of you have signed up to follow and more join every day.

This says to me that the world is ready for a different perspective.

If you agree, please share this on your Facebook page and with your friends.  

You can live this journey through me… and if you learn one or two things that change the way you think or parent, then it will make it all worthwhile.

Please also leave a comment and share your thoughts and/or experiences.

If you want to read my weekly updates please be sure to subscribe to my private mailing list by clicking here.

With love

Kim xo

 

Kim’s Blog : I Need Your Help

Dear Valued Subscriber

As you are probably very aware by now, my new baby is in pre launch stage and my blog is migrating to the brand spanking new Work at Home Mums Network!

I would absolutely love it if you would join our new community, and keep receiving updates from me and my team of experts.

Within the next day or so, you should be receiving an email from the network asking you to confirm your subscription… DO NOT BE ALARMED!

I need you to do this step to keep you on my mailing list. Don’t worry, nothing else will be required of you and you can still expect the same high level of spam protection etc. I would just love to keep in touch with you, cause y’know, we’ve built this really deep and meaningful relationship. 🙂

Thanking you in advance.

And remember… You Matter To Me.

This is kimconstable.com, over and out.

Kim’s Blog : Are We Still Here?

Personal Update:

My web designers have fallen off the radar.

My site is still a mess.

I’m still practicing deep breathing.

My back is no longer sore and I did my first yoga practice today in a week.

I’m nearly caught up on my laundry.

I’ve taken to meditation.

(And my inner Miss Self Control is lying on her bed, smoking a cigarette and huffing with me)

Kim’s Blog : Teething Problems Working From Home

crazy work at home mum

As you may well know, The Work at Home Mums Network pre-launched on Friday to celebrate International Women’s Day and I was hoping that this blog post today would be winging its way to you from the network.

However, as one would expect, there have been some teething problems with the new site that I am trying to iron out. So rather than having you all wondering where on earth I’d gotten to, I decided just to crank out some correspondence from the old site.

As usual, this journey has been one of struggle and learning, where my expectations have been challenged to their fullest.

Any of you who have visited the site will probably have worked out that many of the links aren’t working, and many of them take you to the wrong place. The font is not the font I had chosen in the design, and there are huge chunks of text missing. It’s as far from perfect as it’ll ever be!

In fact my inner Miss Perfect has cleared her desk and handed in her letter of resignation, claiming that this just was not the job she signed up for.

My inner Miss Yogi has channelled all the deep breathing exercises she could muster in hope of returning some peace and tranquility, and release my jaw from the permanently clenched position it has settled into.

My Inner Miss Self Control is jumping up and down on her bed, screaming to be let out of her room and yell at someone (I’ve locked the door).

My inner Miss Control Freak is dangerously close to booking a flight to India and camping out on the web designer’s desk, demanding them to fix the Goddamn problems.

And my outer self? Mrs Kim Constable?

Well she’s still trying to find her out from underneath the mountain of laundry and ironing that piled up last week while she channelled all her energies into getting this business off the ground. However, given that the drinks fridge is in the same room as the laundry, I think she’ll probably just stay there for the foreseeable future and crack open another bottle of wine.

Kim’s Blog : Pre-launch of Work at Home Mums Network – Tomorrow

Tomorrow will see the pre-launch of my new baby, The Work at Home Mums Network, and this blog site will cease to exist.

You can still read my daily blogs at the new site and indeed if you put in the address www.kimconstable.com you will be immediately redirected to The Work at Home Mums Network.

The last few weeks have been crazy, busy, stressful and exciting… all at the same time.

The complexity of the site with all it’s components (membership, video tutorials, online product sales, member forums etc) has made the development of it, reasonably challenging.

It is by no means finished and by no means perfect.  

I have so many ideas of things I want to do with the site and for the members, that my head is literally buzzing!

However, warts and all, it will pre-launch tomorrow.

What is a pre-launch?

A pre-launch is my opportunity to get into the trenches (so to speak) with my members.  We will be offering huge discounts on premium membership, and asking for all your juicy feedback on what you would like to see on the site, and what information we can help you with.

It’s a way of offering the site as a basic template of what we are aiming for, whilst  letting you know that it’s still in development.

So I want to thank you sincerely for your time, attention and feedback throughout this last year of my blogging journey.

You guys have been AMAZING!  

I really hope that you will join me on the other side, and support the network as you have supported this blog.

Sent with oodles of love

Kim x

 

Kim’s Blog : International Women’s Day And WAHM Network Pre-Launch

As you all well know, today was supposed to be the official launch of the Work at Home Mums Network.  

But… I then found out that Friday 8th March is none other than International Women’s Day and that kinda changed it all for me.

You see, International Women’s Day used to be International Working Women’s Day and in different regions the focus of the celebrations ranges from general celebration of respect, appreciation and love towards women, to a celebration for women’s economic, political and social achievements.

Started primarily as a Socialist political event, the day since lost its political flavor, and became simply an occasion for men to express their love for women in a way somewhat similar to a mixture of Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day.

In other regions, however, the original political and human rights theme designated by the United Nations, still runs strong, and political and social awareness of the struggles of women worldwide are brought out and examined in a hopeful manner.

So given that I am launching a network designed to empower mums to create businesses that put family first, and given that I am trying to raise awareness of the struggles of mothers who work from home, I thought it would be a very appropriate time to launch the network.

So mark your diary…

Friday 8th March 2012 – International Women’s Day and the launch of The Work at Home Mums Network.

P.S. I will also be offering a HUGE 50% discount on membership for the first 50 premium members in celebration of this special occasion.

In the meantime, please like our Facebook page to keep up to date with news and events.