Power that lies hidden within you

It was about 3am in the early hours of Sunday morning.  

I woke up (probably needing to pee) and heard the rain falling in a steady downpour onto the sloping roof outside our bedroom window.

I love the rain.

It reminds me of Irish summer holidays in my Aunt’s caravan where it rained more than the sun shone and we would play endless games of pick up sticks, listening to it drumming on the thin roof above our heads.

I listened to the rain; mingled with the steady breathing of Ryan and Jack on either side of me, and Corey on a mattress on the floor.

My husband and eldest and youngest sons, all sleeping soundly; cocooned by the love and protection of our family bond.

And as I lay there, listening to rain and breath, my thoughts turned to the places in the world where mothers are lying in fear.

The places where men are beheading children and putting their heads on stakes in playgrounds.

The places where families are fleeing, mothers and fathers are terrified, and lives are being ripped apart.

And I realised again how truly blessed I am to have the opportunity to live the life that I do.

A life that has never known true fear.  

A life where I get to keep my babies close to me every single day and night.

A life where I can sleep knowing that my children will never be ripped from me and beheaded in the street.

A life that is safe.

And before I drifted back to sleep I reaffirmed my commitment to help eradicate the world of violence by eradicating it in myself.

To remember that every act of ill intent towards another, whether in thought or action, is in fact, violence.

To remember that every time I commit an act of violence I am giving permission for it to exist in the world.

To continue on my path of peaceful, gentle parenting (no matter how hard, or how much resistance I face from well intentioned friends and family) for the sake of not only my own children, but for all children; everywhere.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happiness is a journey, not a destination

Probably the biggest change to our life in the last two weeks as been giving the kids freedom to choose their own bedtime.

This was a really tough one for me.

I’ve always been very controlling over bedtimes, believing that kids needed to be in bed at a certain time in order for them to be well rested.  

When then were going to school every day, this was true.  

School takes a lot of emotional fortitude for a child.  

They’re in a controlled environment with a lot of different personalities, and so it takes mental energy for them to work out and follow the rules.

Not to mention the horrors of peer pressure and the threat of bullying.

Survival takes energy and so rest is essential if we are not to put undue stress on their immature systems.

Since my kids do not go to school anymore, they don’t have these kinds of pressures to deal with.

Our days are spent going on fun outings, eating food they love, learning, exploring and feeling deeply loved.

Their average bedtime has moved to around 10.30pm, (probably because that’s when I usually go to bed) and they sleep until about 9am (can’t say I’m complaining about this part!).

I’m noticing that they’re starting to be more aware of their feelings as a result of not being controlled.

Because they’re not following a rule, they can tune into their themselves so much easier, as they’re not tuning in full time, to their external environment.

Last night I was snuggling in my bed with Corey and Kai at around 10pm.  Kai had just had a bath and we were watching videos on YouTube.

Suddenly Kai sat up and said “Mummy, isn’t this lovely?”

I smiled and realised that yes, it was lovely.

He continued “Tonight has been great; having a hot bath, a piece of toast and now snuggling here with you and Corey.  I love you mummy.”

Tonight wasn’t any different than any other night in his life, except that it was 10.15pm.  But I realised how everything he had done all night had been entirely his choice.  

And that freedom must’ve felt wonderful.

I’ve also realised how easy it is to be a mum, when I’m not controlling my kids all day.

Easier for me, easier for them.  

I love my life.

(If you liked this post I would love it if you would hit the like and share buttons below.)

 

Kim’s Blog : Are We Still Here?

Personal Update:

My web designers have fallen off the radar.

My site is still a mess.

I’m still practicing deep breathing.

My back is no longer sore and I did my first yoga practice today in a week.

I’m nearly caught up on my laundry.

I’ve taken to meditation.

(And my inner Miss Self Control is lying on her bed, smoking a cigarette and huffing with me)

Kim’s Blog : There Will Never Be A Perfect Time To Start Your Home Business

ways to earn money from home

There will never be a perfect time, a perfect website, a perfect idea or a perfect job.

I met my (now) husband on January 23rd 2005.

On March 25th I found out I was pregnant.

In June 2005 I moved into his bachelor apartment.

In November 2005 our first son was born.

In January 2006, almost exactly one year after meeting, we moved into our first house together with a mortgage and an eight week old baby.

Today (March 2013) we have four children.

An even bigger mortgage.

Three companies between us.

A house full of noise, mess, love and laughter.

If we’d waited for the perfect time, we’d probably still be waiting.

And do you know what?  If I can do it (a girl from a tiny little city like Belfast, Northern Ireland) then you damn well can too.

 

Kim’s Blog : Open Your Heart And Your Home Business

open your heart and home business

“Open your heart.”

That was the message in my daily yoga practice this morning that I do at home through Yogaglo.  

When she was asking me to open my heart she was teaching me to do it physically (widen your collarbones and push your heart forward) as well as mentally (allow more love in if you please).

Okay, so at this point I’m going to admit that I’ve always been a tiny bit nervous around the whole “spiritual” side of abundance, and opening your heart, and letting love flow etc.  It’s not that I don’t believe in it, just that talking that way makes me giggle and feel a bit silly.

However, I AM a big believer in the mind body connection.  

I read an article recently on how botox is actually causing users to be happier than previous times.  Apparently our emotions are stimulated by expression and how we move our body, not the other way around.

This makes sense if you think about how you can be feeling a bit low, and after a brisk walk or some exercise, feel on top of the world.

This morning as I have moved about my morning, checking emails, eating breakfast, planning my day, I have felt calmer, more present and more open than yesterday.

I am conscious of my heart, where it lies in my chest and of opening my shoulders to let my heart come forward.

Apparently (according to my yoga instructor) if you do this practice mindfully throughout every day, abundance will flow into your life.  Your conscious shift in physiology will cause amazing things to happen as you will be more open, trusting and accepting.

With the launch of The Work at Home Mums Network next week, I’m in a nervous, excited and kind of scary place right now.

So I’m going to practice opening my heart every time my doubts kick in.

I’m going to trust that everything will be exactly how is should be.

I’m going to trust that you will sing from the rooftops about what I have created for you, as it was created with love, passion and a genuine desire to help.

If you have liked reading this post, then please rock on over to our Facebook page and hit the like button there.

Thank you.

 

 

Kim’s Blog : Wouldn’t It Be Great If Starting A Business From Home Was Gifted?

From Seth’s Blog today… thought it was worth sharing.

gifted

Wouldn’t it be great to be gifted? In fact…

It turns out that choices lead to habits.

Habits become talents.

Talents are labeled gifts.

You’re not born this way, you get this way.

 

Kim’s Blog : Why Women Should Not Be Compelled To Work Outside The Home

sahm

I use Google Alerts to keep me up to date with things happening in my industry.

Today I got an email about an article that was published in The Catholic World Report about Stay at Home Mums.  Something which Pope John Paul II  said in his 1995 apostolic exhortation Familiaris Consortio really struck home with me.

“The Church can and should help modern society by tirelessly insisting that the work of women in the home, be recognized and respected by all in its irreplaceable value.

While it must be recognized that women have the same right as men to perform various public functions, society must be structured in such a way that wives and mothers are not in practice compelled to work outside the home, and that their families can live and prosper in a dignified way even when they themselves devote their full time to their own family.

Furthermore, the mentality which honors women more for their work outside the home than for their work within the family must be overcome.

This requires that men should truly esteem and love women with total respect for their personal dignity, and that society should create and develop conditions favoring work in the home.”

Isn’t that just beautiful?  

For me, one of the things I struggled the most with over the years, was the feeling that because I wasn’t bringing in an income, I was somehow less valuable than my husband.

His earning the money always caused me to feel like my opinion didn’t matter as much and that his needs, pitted against mine, were somehow more important.

Over the years, much of my belief has shifted more in line with that of Pope John Paul II.  This is part of the reason why I am starting the Work at Home Mums Network.  I want to empower women; to help them to build belief in themselves and to find the confidence to do their best work, raising the next generation of society.

I’d love to hear your comments below.

If you agree, please help this post to reach more women by sharing it on your Facebook page or Twitter feed by using the buttons at the bottom of the post.

(Facebook will prominently feature a post with many shares and likes, so it reaches more people.)

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Let’s reach out and touch other mums lives, and help to ease a little of their guilt.

Your opinion matters.

Kim’s Blog : How I Learned To Laugh On The Worst Day Of My Life

Work at Home Mums face many challenges when trying to balance work and family.  

Kids don’t often understand that if you are in your office it means you need peace to work.  They assume, I think, that as long as you are in the house, you are fair game.

Take my son Kai for example.

He seems to see the lock on my office door as a challenge, not a barrier to be respected.

He almost shrieks with joy when he finds it locked, as he knows he can severely rattle my cage by banging the door and yelling whatever question he wants answered, as loudly as possible through the wood.

On Wednesday he spent exactly twelve minutes kicking said door, while I was on a conference call meeting with America.  It took all of my will power not to open the door, pick him up by the scruff of the neck and throw him full speed out of an open window.  (Seriously, sometimes I have a very clear insight into the motivation of serial killers)

So not only did I have to control my feelings of murder in the first degree, but I had to suffer through the embarrassment of explaining my wayward child the other people on the call.  (Cause the behaviour of my kids is directly correlated to how good I am as a mother, right?)

I made it through most of Wednesday, holding firmly on to my frayed emotions, until we reached dinner time.

I had lovingly prepared a vegetable lasagne that morning, and even went to far as to blend all the vegetables so they were unrecognisable as vegetables (lest they be rejected on appearance or colour).

Every single child threw down their fork and declared the lasagne disgusting.

There’s something very disheartening about spending hours preparing a meal, only to have it unanimously rejected.

And Goddamn it, I had put four layers of pasta  in the lasagne, hoping to fool them into thinking it was kind of a spaghetti bolegnese except with flat, long, steamrolled pasta and the sauce squished in between.  What an idiot I was.

During the rejection of the dinner, accompanied by a resounding choir of screaming/complaining/whining, my daughter Maya announced that she was off to do a poo.

Experience has taught me that when Maya is left alone in the toilet, a mixture of boredom and curiosity means that she unravels every single toilet roll she can find.

So I dutifully removed them all from her vicinity and left her to it.

Five minutes later, she came running into the kitchen and performed naked from the waist, dog head down, to let me know she’d finished.  So I frogmarched her back to the loo to collect some wet wipes.

I pushed the door open and was greeted by the sight of at least four unravelled toilet rolls on the ground around the toilet.

Reminding myself to Breathe Kim Breathe I stepped over the mess and pushed the door closed behind me.

That was when I noticed what she’d done.  

She was so intent on getting to the toilet rolls (which I had removed to the shelves behind the cloakroom door) she had decided to deposit a large turd on the floor, behind the door, as she helped herself to the forbidden treasure.

As I opened the door and pushed it closed again, a large semi circle of squished poo now decorated my beige carpet, having been perfectly lodged under the door.

That was it. I snapped.

Letting out a squeal of rage, I charged into the kitchen (yelling to my husband what had happened), to collect a sponge and bucket to wash the carpet.

Of course, any time I get angry, Ryan thinks it’s hilarious and was actually bent double, snorting and clutching his sides at the sight of me running around in rubber gloves,with steam coming out of my ears.  This just made me madder.

After I had cleaned it up and deposited the (still unfed) kids upstairs to bath with Ryan, I collected a cold beer and went outside to cool off.

You would think that the tale would end here, yes?  No.

Somehow, my errant three year old managed to escape the clutches of the bath and make her way unsupervised to the kitchen.  I’m not sure exactly what was going on in her head, but when I arrived back from outside, a little calmer and mildly inebriated, I found two litres of cows milk and one litre of soya milk poured all over my kitchen floor, decorated by four coloured cups and a pair of abandoned, pink socks.

I stared, open mouthed at the mess.  I was stunned into silence.  So do you know what I did?

I laughed.

Actually that’s not true, I took a picture and posted it on Facebook, and then I laughed.

And the laughing was so liberating, that once I started I couldn’t stop.  It was almost as if the events of the day were so unbelievable – a procession of one thing after another, that by the time this happened I had no anger or frustration left.  I just accepted it for what it was, sat down at the kitchen table and waited for my husband to appear from the bath so we could laugh about it together.

I learned, more importantly, that sometimes you just gotta let go.

If you know a mum who could use a laugh, or just needs to learn to let go, please forward her this post or share it on your Facebook page or Twitter feed, by clicking one of the share buttons at the bottom of the post.

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It’s sole aim is to provide a little entertainment in the lives of mums everywhere, so that you will know that you are not alone on your crazy journey into parenthood.  We aim to provide a love, laughs and entertainment.  I would love to see you there.

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(Here is the picture of the milk)

photo

 

 

 

 

Kim’s Blog : The Day I Broke Down In Front Of My Kids

desperate mother

One of the advantages of being a work at home mum is that when my kids are sick, I can take time off to look after them.

However, sometimes I really wish I had someone to take care of me as well as I take care of the kids.  Sometimes I’m in need of a little TLC too.

Take these last few days for example.  My eldest Corey had been very unlike himself from Friday.  He cried to come home early from a birthday party he’d been looking forward to all week, he cried going to Nana’s for a sleepover on Friday, which is usually one of his favourite things to do.  He didn’t want to go to his tennis class on Saturday morning and had little or no energy on Saturday and Sunday.

On Monday morning he woke with a raging temperature and a barking cough and took to the couch to convalesce.  Then at around 10am he started vomiting.  Oh Lordy Loo!  It was one thing after another.  I spent all day rushing around trying to look after him as well as make dinner and tend to the other kids in the afternoon.  So come last night, I was totally beat and I took to bed at about 8.30pm to try to get a decent night’s rest.  (You know this isn’t going to end well, right?)

Since we came back from Australia I have been very relaxed about the kids sleeping patterns, allowing them to come into our bed in the middle of the night and stay there until morning.

However, this has backfired on me.

The two middle kids (5 and 3) have started taking advantage of this relaxation in bed rules, and have been finding all sorts of excuses for nocturnal visits (I need water/to go to the toilet/my room is too dark/my duvet fell off…).

Now I am what I would lovingly refer to as “hard”.  

By this, I mean, I’m a tough old bird: it takes a lot to wear me down or rattle my cage.  But I didn’t realise that the constant disruption of my sleep, combined with rising at 5am and daily yoga workouts, have been taking their toll.

As a result, I woke yesterday morning looking like elephant woman.

A seemingly harmless pimple on my forehead had turned into a swollen fluid filled mountain about the diameter of a golf ball, and a gland had come up beside my ear which was swollen and painful.  I mean, WTF?  Nothing like this has ever happened to me before.

Another night of constantly disrupted sleep last night (45 minutes sleep in every hour, then up at 5am to iron) meant that this morning the whole side of my face was also swollen and sore.

To top it all off, Kai and Maya decided to get up at 5am with me, then proceeded to fight, bicker and scream at each other due to tiredness as I tried to ignore them and keep ironing.

As I went about my morning chores trying to feed, clothe, tend to the sick and mediate arguments (no doubt they were reacting to me not being my usual chirpy self) it took every ounce of my strength not to either scream in frustration to make myself feel better, or break down in tears.

Alas, when Kai refused point blank to put his clothes on for school, all my fight was gone and I kneeled down on the floor, put my head in my hands and wept.  And once I started, I couldn’t stop.

The kids were a bit shocked and started rubbing my back and asking what was wrong, which only caused me to sob even more.  I kept crying until Ryan appeared with a look of surprise on his face to find me in this very unfamiliar position, and promptly took over the dressing in a very masculine way (i.e. No negotiation allowed and they were dressed and deposited downstairs within 2 minutes).

Once I had cried for a while, my tears naturally dried up and I felt a bit better.  I fetched a cup of coffee and and ice pack for my swollen head and eyes, and lay on the bed for a bit while it all got to work.

30 minutes and some caffeine and ice later, I felt like a new woman.  Allowing myself to release my pent up emotion and feel my tiredness and frustration had been incredibly freeing.  I felt lighter and more human.

I always thought that the worst thing ever would be allowing my kids to see me cry, as I was supposed to be the strong one.  But the tenderness of their response surprised me.  They weren’t scared or freaked out by it; they seemed to understand my need to release through crying.  Corey even told me that after a good cry he feels better, which surprised me that someone so young would be so aware of his emotions.

I also immediately made an appointment to see my chiropractor who helps my body to realign and naturally heal itself.  He told me the bone structure in my head and face was out of alignment which was causing the swelling and he worked on me for about an hour.  As a result the swelling has reduced and I feel 100% better.

The moral of this story?

Don’t be too strong all of the time.

Don’t deny your emotions or judge them to be bad or wrong.  Sometimes an emotional release is exactly what you need and your kids are the best people to comfort you without judgement or trying to make it better.  It’s good for them to see that mommy is a human being too.

Maybe if we allowed our kids to see us more as human beings and less as human doings, it would help them to understand themselves better.

But more importantly, it would teach them that crying is okay.  Pain is okay.  It comes and it goes in the same way happiness does.

Emotions are part of life.  Don’t deny yours.  Embrace them for a richer and more expressive existence.

And remember to be a mom being, not a mom doing.

Please will you do me a favour?  If you enjoyed this post and have ever felt the same as me, please share it amongst your friends by using one of the sharing buttons at the bottom of the post.

Let’s encourage and support other women in their incredibly hard and emotionally challenging journey into motherhood.  Let’s tell them that it’s okay to feel sad, and scared and helpless.  Cause we’re here for one another; without judgement and with lots of love.

Take care of you

Love Kim x